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 In
a world filled with taxing stressors like the war in Iraq, rising
interest rates and the constant letdown of Arizona Cardinals’
football, sometimes you need something that can’t be found at the
bottom of a bottle to take the edge off. Since the majority of the
nonalcoholic alternatives are illegal in 49 states (God bless
Texas), I decided to let the guided hand of holistic healing try to
relieve the holiday stress. Four intriguing procedures later and
here’s what I found.
Cupping
This procedure aims to help blood flow and circulation by
meticulously placing three inch suction cups all over the back, neck
and shoulders while soothing meditation music plays in the
background. Though the idea of jamming miniaturized plungers over
the tense areas of my torso didn’t seem to be relaxing, I was proven
wrong, as I often am in life, when the 30-minute session
re-invigorated my being.
The
price of pleasure was, however, paid esthetically as I sported
several perfectly circular bruises all over my body for a few days
after the session. Like a warrior after battle or athlete in the
post-game interview, I wore them with pride and ended my unusual
week at the spa with a little less tension and a lot more insight
into holistic healing.
www.suddenlyslimmer.com
Herbal Body Wrap
Being tightly wrapped in a dampened, softscented sheet like a
caterpillar in a moist cocoon, I was rendered motionless for the
better part of an hour while the sweet sounds of raindrops on roses
and whiskers on kittens echoed through the room.
Sweating away the majority of the water I had recently become “at
one with” during the
Shamanistic crystal treatment, I began feeling woozy and entered a
state of paranormal
journeying. While I don’t recommend hallucinating on a weekday, I
will admit that the image of Dave Coulier fighting the Easter bunny
certainly helped to pass the time. In case anyone
was wondering, the Easter bunny knocked out Uncle Joey in the middle
of the seventh round
with a mean jab to the temple.
Once I was unwrapped and coherent, I came to the stark realization
that I had lost 7 pounds.
Remembering that its not quite prom season and bathing suit weather
is still three months away, this was not good news for me. On a good
day I rival Calista Flockhart’s manliness and was once mistaken for
the lead singer of BB Mak on the subway. Though my grandma would
jump at the chance for anorexia, I was 2 pounds away from being
sponsored by UNICEF for 79 cents and a bowl of rice per day.
www.suddenlyslimmer.com
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Health
(Lifestyle)